My milestones

It's odd and just not right. While most of my friends are posting about the weeks and months that have passed since their babies were born, I get to blog about how long it's been since Matthew left us. Four long months. That's how long it's been since I held my baby in my arms. Four months of wondering why, of crying, and of begging God to ease the pain. Four months of wondering how I'm going to stand the rest of my life without him. How I wish my milestones were different. How I wish that I was blogging about all of his "firsts" and posting current cute pictures of him and Claire. I am trusting that he is running and playing in the fields of heaven, but my mother's heart would so much rather have him running and playing here with me.