Us

So, what's life like in the Nickell household these days?

Crazy
Exhausting
A little overwhelming
But sweet

Clay hasn't been the best sleeper. Once he got over the first few days of newborn sleepiness, it's been pretty hard to get him down. He fights sleep so hard! Last week he woke up every night at 3 or 4 thinking it was morning and wouldn't go back to sleep. He pretty much cried for two hours before sheer exhaustion took over. Of course, I had to sit there listening to him, so I ended up crying in frustration for most of those two hours too! This week I'm pumping my milk so that Cole and I can take turns at night and at least get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep :). He also fights nap time, so I usually end up rocking him to sleep (bad habit, I know!).

Also, life with two is definitely much harder. Right now Clay and Claire are on opposite schedules, so when he's napping, she's awake and when she's napping he wants to stay awake and scream. Which means I haven't gotten many naps :(. That's definitely different from just having one. Also, going out is nearly impossible at this point. I'm having to work so hard to get Clay to sleep that I'm too scared to take him out. We've been to Target and church and both were a little stressful, so I think I'm going to take it easy for another week or so.

Claire's been doing pretty well considering, but one thing about being the oldest is that she's not great at entertaining herself yet. She's been so used to me playing with her and now when I'm busy, she's doesn't know what to do and ends up whining a lot. That's where having my in-laws above me comes in handy. I can just send her upstairs when she needs a change of scenery. In fact, that's where she is right now :). She does seem to really like Clay though. She likes to get as close to him as possible and just kiss him and breathe all over him while saying, "Oh cute. He's so cute." Having him around has made her ask more questions about Matthew. I guess she's confused about why she sees Clay now and not Matthew too. I mean, in her eyes we've been talking about her two brothers for months and now one shows up and not the other? I've had to explain to her a lot that Clay gets to be here with us, but Matthew lives with Jesus. Not like she understands that, but hey, one day she will, right?

As for me, well, I'm pretty sleep-deprived and hormonal, so I'm a little crazy these days, but thankfully that will pass. There are times when I think, "There is no way we're having more kids! I can't do this again!" but then I get some sleep and some sweet snuggle time with Clay and I'm all better :). I also think about incredibly grateful I am to have a healthy baby that gets to keep me up at night. I think about how many tears I've shed over never getting to bring Matthew home and all my frustration and tiredness suddenly seems so unimportant.

So yeah, I'm tired. But I'm grateful :)