Tiny little munchkin

My little girl is still on the small size, even though she eats and eats. Her 1 year stats:

- 19.8 lbs. Yep, she couldn't even tip the scale to 20
- 28 inches long... I like to call her short stuff :)
- 6 teeth FINALLY!
- Way past walking and now trying to run...... away from me
- Especially when she grabs things off the floor and I catch her trying to eat them (which happens every 5 mins)
- Is also trying to climb to get things I've put out of reach, like books she wants to eat and dirty diapers she wants to play with
- Learned how to push doors closed and get herself stuck in rooms
- Wants to sample everything we're eating
- Likes to have books read to her
- Will kiss and hug on command (most of the time)
- Is such a happy baby!
- Continues to be a source of joy for Cole and I, especially with what we're going through now

We are so grateful for our little Claire!

Happy 1st Claire!

I can't believe my baby turned one last Saturday! This year has flown by entirely too fast! When I look back to this time last year and remember all the emotion, confusion, and exhaustion surrounding her birth, it's nice to smile and get a little perspective :). It really has been such fun to watch her grow and learn and develop her personality. Cole and I are constantly amazed at the never-ending joy she brings to our lives. Who knew that such a little person could so completely capture our hearts?! She really is one of the sweetest and most easy-going babies I've ever known. I'm so thankful that she eased us into the world of parenting gently :) haha.

Here are some pics of Claire on her birthday. Stats will follow after she has her one-year checkup on Friday.

Good News!

Well, we finally have some good news to go along with all the bad! Today we got the results of my amniocentesis back and the baby is normal in the chromosomal area! This means no further problems like down syndrome, etc. What a praise!
So, sigh of relief on my part! Now we just have to wait until he's born to determine what the future will be like. It looks like I'll be delivering in Augusta and then he'll be having the surgeries in Atlanta, but we'll know more about that once we meet with a cardio surgeon.

Dealing...

This past week has had its ups and downs but overall I'm simply trying to trust God's plans and reasons for handing me this difficult trial. Whenever the waves of sorrow hit (usually at night in bed) I keep telling myself "God is faithful, God is faithful, God is faithful!" I've already seen this faithfulness with the overflowing love of friends and family. Church on Sunday was especially helpful for me... it was almost like the worship service had been tailored to speak to our situation. The prelude song was "I Belong" by Kathryn Scott, and man! it was perfect. Here it is:

O Joy that seekest me through pain...

One of my all-time favorite songs is O Love That Will Not Let Me Go. My two favorite verses are these:

O Love that will not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be. 

O Joy that seekest me through pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee;

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain, 

That morn shall tearless be. 

I've always clung to these truths whenever sorrow or suffering hits close to home. Many times I've cried as I've sung this song. Now is one of those times. 

For those of you who haven't heard, I just want to put it out there and get the telling over with. This past Tuesday, I went to Columbia to see a high-risk OB/GYN. The reason my doctor referred me was because they had seen something interesting on our baby boy's stomach and wanted to make sure everything was ok. I went by myself, thinking that they were just being over-cautious and that it would be nothing. Two hours later I got the worst news of my life.

In addition to the stomach problem they saw, our baby boy had a condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. In non-medical terms that means that part of the left side of his heart has not developed properly and is unable to send enough blood to his body. Because of this, the right side of his heart has to work extra hard. If left untreated, this stress would eventually cause his heart to fail. Along with this underdevelopment, he also has an opening between chambers that should not be there, veins and arteries in the wrong places, and other complications that I don't even understand. Basically, what all this means is that our baby is going to require multiple open heart surgeries that are very dangerous and could claim his life. I don't even know what his chances are at this point, but they sound grim. 

Obviously, Cole and I feel overwhelmed. The past few days I've gone from crying my eyes out, to feeling like a robot, to being just plain tired and confused. Most of the time, when I talk about it, I feel like I'm describing someone else's life. But every once in a while it hits me that this is my baby who's hurting and my life that's being turned upside-down and I start to feel like I'm drowning. I'm not angry at God, I'm not asking why, I'm just wondering how. 

How am I going be able to watch my baby go through surgeries he might not make it out of? How am I going to be able to stand the uncertainty and scariness of the next few months? How am I going to handle the pain of watching my child suffer? And worst of all, something I am scared to death to even consider, if God's plan is for him to die, how will I be able to let him go? How will I make it through that?! 

I have all these questions and emotions and uncertainties and that's why I keep going back to that song. In the midst of all this fear, I know that His love will not let me go and even now I feel His joy seeking me through the pain. The verse I'm quoting over and over again to myself is this:

Psalm 28:7

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped." 

My request is that you would pray this for Cole and I over the next few months. 

Claire + Snow = Cuteness

Claire LOVED the snow. She cried when I would take her inside. She ran towards the door every time someone else went in or out. She played with snowballs, she sat in it, she even put her face in it! I think our child will love St. Louis!

And of course, these cute babies were teething and chewing on everything in sight :) 

Christmas in Asheville was wonderful! 

Merry Christmas in Aiken!

Nickell fam at Hopelands enjoying the lights!

Claire's first Christmas morning!

Enjoying her first big toy :)

The hubby and I goofing off of course!

And one more... 

Soro squat! 

I'm dreaming of a White Christmas....

and I almost got it!!! The weatherman was right for once! It started snowing early this morning and by the time I left for church it was sticking and piling up. No snow on the roads of course, but still, count on a least a few Aikenites to freak out - meaning that church attendance was rather slim. We had two inches by lunchtime, but around 2pm the temperature rose and it all turned to drizzly rain and washed the wonderful snow away :( Sad day.
But not to fear! We headed up to Asheville where there was plenty of snow to spare! The driving was great until we got into my parents neighborhood, at which point I (deciding to see if it was icy) slammed on the brakes while going around a turn and sent us skidding a few feet with the anti-lock brakes engaging and going crazy. No worries, it was fun and I drove carefully the rest of the way! Now we're here and enjoying the 16 degree weather and foot of snow. Tomorrow we'll head out into the cold and see what Claire thinks of it!

And our baby is......

a BOY! Or as Cole would say, he has man parts ;-) We are very, I repeat VERY, excited about this! We were both secretly hoping for a boy, but didn't want to be disappointed if it was a girl. Mainly, we just wanted a healthy baby. But now that we know, we are thrilled! We have always said we want one of each and more. I would post a picture, but because of how he was sitting, the ultrasound tech could only get good looks at his nether region. All of our pics have an arrow pointing to his man parts with "BOY!!!!" typed in all caps. The good news is that I get another ultrasound in a month so that they can get a better view of everything else.

Anyway, now would be the time to throw names our way! We're thinking about going for a Jr., but are not sure yet. Questions, comments???

Blah

I named this post blah because I really have nothing to write about. Just various pieces of news. They might be blog-worthy. Or not.

* December is cold, very cold. Aiken has surprised me this year. Because of this and the fact that the heat has died in my car, Claire has a new peacoat from Dee. It is red and adorable. She looks like a tiny little grown-up toddling around!

* Holidays call for cooking. The week after Thanksgiving I made three batches of Pumpkin Crisp. Last week I made three batches of fudge. They were wonderful! Today I am baking shortbread :)

* Cole's old roommate Aaron and his new wife Katie came up to visit last week. I read her blog all the time so it was nice to meet her in person finally! We sat around and talked, played some cards, showed them Aiken, went on a double-date, and sat around and talked some more. Oh, and tried to convince them to have kids right away :)

* I have no motivation to work out anymore. Which is really bad with Christmas parties all around me! I think I've gained 4 lbs! Shocking for a pregnant woman, I know.

* Here a some random pics of Claire from Emma May's birthday party a month ago. I thought they were cute.