Update #3

We just met with Dr. Bradley. He said that Matthew is stable and that they will keep watching closely tonight and tomorrow to make sure he gets through the critical time. Matthew had a little problem with the oxygen levels in his blood and is on medicine right now to keep the numbers up. They think this is just a normal problem that will work itself out over the next few hours, but they will keep an eye on him in the meantime. Dr. Bradley said there weren't any surprises and he seemed pleased with the surgery.

We still haven't seen him, but are anxiously waiting!

Update #2

We just got the call that Matthew is done with surgery! They have finished putting in the shunt and his heart is pumping on it's own again! Now they are just cleaning everything up and waiting for the bleeding to stop, which is normal. He will probably go back to recovery within the hour and we will get to see him an hour after that, hopefully. Thank you for all your prayers! Now we just have to wait and see how he handles recovery.

Update #1

We were able to see Matthew for an hour today before his surgery. We just loved on him and prayed for him. He was wide awake and starving since he hadn't had anything to eat since midnight. All we know so far is that they had a slow start, due to a little trouble getting his IVs in. They are putting the grafts in now, which means they are halfway there. He is stable and things are going well. Please pray for Dr. Bradley as he works, that God would give him steady hands and clear vision.

We're here!

We got to Charleston safe and sound and are settled in at the Askins' place. Matthew looks good and is resting and awaiting surgery on Tuesday morning. We've been told that he'll go in around 8:30 and it will probably take several hours. Don't expect to hear anything before mid-afternoon, though I'll try to post as soon as I can! In the meantime, please keep both him and his doctors in your prayers. We met with Dr. Bradley this morning (he'll be performing the surgery) and he seemed optimistic about the success of the surgery.

Matthew's already had several visitors today and yesterday. My uncle Van and his family came by this morning and Scott & Sandy Bruns stopped in last night. I know Matthew doesn't realize it now, but I hope one day he'll look back and see how incredibly loved he is!

Here he is in his new home!

We got to spend an hour on the beach last night. Here's Claire and Cole enjoying the water!

All four of us!

And... here we go!

As of right now, Matthew is in a helicopter headed to MUSC in Charleston. We didn't find out until yesterday afternoon that it was happening today, so needless to say, it's gotten a little hectic around here! Cole, Claire, and I will be following him down tomorrow morning, once we've gotten things settled here. Our pastor's daughter and her family have graciously offered for us to stay with them, so we'll be camping out in Sullivan's Island, a close 15 minutes from the hospital. I'll be living down there for as long as Matthew is in the hospital, but Cole and Claire will come back and forth. My mom and mom-in-law will be helping with Claire and making sure Cole gets fed while I'm not home :).
As far as we know, Matthew's surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, but I'm not yet sure what time. Once we're settled in and know more, I'll pass along the details.

We are so thankful for the way everything has come together so quickly! Here are a few pictures of us saying goodbye to Matthew this morning. And yes, Claire did get to go in too!

Actually, here's just one picture for now. The other one's are in a format that won't load. You'll have to wait until my husband can figure it out for me! 

Hurray!

Good news! MUSC finally got back with us and they are willing to do surgery on Matthew! It's still going to be super complicated with many risks, but at least there is something they can do. The surgery that's been discussed involves connecting the blood vessels of his lungs with his aorta by way of a shunt. He'll be flown to Charleston sometime early next week and surgery will be a few days after that. We'll find out more details on Friday, but for now that's all I know. Anyway, I'll be looking for a place to stay, so if you know of something, pass it on! I can always stay in the Ronald McDonald House, but I don't do well by myself at night and it would be nice to have someone else know when I'm coming and going.

Praise God for answered prayer!

I love my children

I love Claire with all her goofiness and sweetness...

And I love Matthew even though he doesn't do anything but sleep :)

I am so thankful that God has blessed me to be a mother and I know that even in this crazy time, God knows what's best for both me and my kids. 

How we're doing

No news on Matthew yet... still waiting to hear back from MUSC. But in the meantime, I thought I'd just share with you how we're doing these days. I've had a lot of people asking about us recently, wondering how we're doing, what we need, and what they can pray for and I know from personal experience that it can be awkward to see someone who's going through a tough time and wonder what you should say or not say, so I thought I'd just be blunt so you know where we stand.

Honestly, I feel like God has wrapped a protective blanket around me this past week. I've been emotional and downcast, yes, but I've also felt this incredible peace about the future. When I've started to get weighed down or felt hopeless, God has brought to mind the fact that He cares more for Matthew than I ever can and that He loves Cole, Claire and me more than we'll ever realize. The scripture about God working everything together for good and also the one about His plans to give us a future and a hope keep coming to mind and comforting my soul.

I don't know how many of you know this, but Matthew was actually an "accident" baby. Claire was only six months old and Cole and I had no plans to get pregnant again so soon. We had been discussing seminary plans and the surprise of Matthew kind of put a wrench in those plans. Selfishly, we would rather have waited a year or so before having another baby, but God had other plans for us. I know that God does everything purposefully, but I feel like He our situation is extra-purposeful. Matthew's name means "gift from God" and we chose it because he really is a total gift, something we weren't expecting and something we have already been so blessed by. I don't know God is going to use us, but I'm finding endless comfort in knowing that God is sovereign over EVERYTHING that is happening.

That being said, we are still struggling with the gravity of our son's situation. I find myself daily pleading with God for his life, begging the Lord to work a miracle because I know that without it, Matthew won't live much longer. It's so surreal to me. When I look at him, he appears so healthy and normal. I can almost fool myself into thinking that things aren't as serious as we've been told. But then a doctor will come up and make a reference to his unusual and totally screwed-up anatomy and I'm brought back to reality. I see all the IV's and monitors on my son's body and I remember that it's about as bad as it can be. I find myself looking around the NICU and being jealous of all the other parents whose babies will probably go home soon.

And I can start to hold a pity-party for myself. I can start to feel that God's not being fair or that I don't deserve to have a child die. And I know that I could start down the road to bitterness and doubt, but thankfully, THANKFULLY, it's in those moments that God lifts me up and reminds me that I am precious in His sight and not a hair can fall from my head without His will. It's hard to express it in words, but I really do feel a peace that doesn't make sense to me and that can only come from God's hand.

So there it is. We're scared to death but we know that God is holding us up and guiding us every step of the way. The only thing we need right now is prayer. Please pray that the doctors at MUSC will come back to us with the good news that they will do surgery on Matthew's heart and lungs. And please pray that Cole and I will continue to trust God even if that is not the answer we get.

Sweet moments...