Last night it happened for the first time. I tried to picture Matthew in my head, but all my brain could come up with was images of Clay. I tried harder but still, I could only come up with the pictures and videos that I've looked through a hundred times, no actual undocumented memories. You know how that is, as time passes we all need visual stimulants to help boost our memories. I just didn't think it would happen this fast. I tried so hard while he was alive to stamp every moment into my heart and mind, but even so, they're already fading. It breaks my heart. I don't want to forget a single moment of my little boy's life. I want to be able to close my eyes and remember what he sounded like, smelled like, and what it felt like to hold him because that's all I have.
I hate that it's already a struggle to remember.
Praying for you Julia, I know losing those memories are hard, but when you least expect it they will return, even if it takes a picture or a smell to trigger them.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Carol A.