... is just precious!
But as much as I love him and as much as he has helped heal my heart, he can't replace Matthew. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish he could know his big brother. (Doesn't that sound silly, calling Matthew a big brother? He was only 7 weeks old when he died... he was a big anything.) My heart hurts when I look at Clay and sometimes see Matthew in him. I so wish that I could see both my boys together!
Claire started talking to me about Matthew randomly last week and I tried to explain to her where he was and why he wasn't with us anymore. Of course she can't understand, so watching her try to wrap her little brain around it was bittersweet for me. I love that she's curious about him, but I hate that she doesn't understand why she can't see him. I tried to explain that he was in the hospital and doctors tried to fix his heart, but he was too sick, so he went to be with Jesus in heaven. But now every time we pass our doctor's office she says, "That's the doctor mommy? That's where Matthew is sick and he sees Jesus?"
So I guess that's stirred memories and made the last few days hard for me. I know that God is holding Matthew in his arms and I know that one day it will all be ok. I just miss him. I love and miss my little boy and I wish he could be part of our life here on earth.
Thinking of you, sweet Julia, and remembering your precious Matthew often.
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