7 months

Once Clay turns one, I'll probably stop posting monthly updates. But I found the ones I did of Claire's first year so helpful, that I figured I'd keep going with his for awhile, if only to look back on them for reference someday.

Clay at 7 months old:

Height: who knows...

Weight: who knows...

Sleeps: not so great. I don't know if it's a growth spurt or his new found love of moving, but he hates naps these days. He is still a great night sleeper though, going from about 8 am to 8 pm.

Eats: still loves the bottle and is eating a larger variety of baby food.

Movement: this is the big thing I want to remember - he's already standing up! About two weeks ago he pulled up on the stairs, which was great but not that hard to do. Then a few days later he pulled up on the couch and then the coffee table and then me! Now it's all he wants to do :) His balance is getting better and better and he only needs one hand to stabilize himself. Last night Cole was watching him and he crawled all the way up the stairs. Needless to say, I think he'll be walking very soon!

Personality: Loves people and attention. He does not like to be left alone. When I put him in the jumperoo or the swing, he complains and complains! He wants to be out and exploring :) All in all, he's a happy baby. (He's just become a handful with all his movement!)

Merry Christmas!

Christmas is upon us and I'm going to be so busy in the next few days that I thought I'd just go ahead and wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

This is the first year that I've tried explaining Christmas to Claire and she kinda gets it. When I mention Jesus though, she always start talking about Matthew because she knows that Jesus, heaven, and Matthew are all linked somehow :). I think it's awesome that I can tell her that Jesus' birth is the reason that we don't have to be sad about Matthew.

It's our hope that all of you feel that peace this year also! May the celebration of Christ's birth renew His hope, love, and joy in your hearts! ~ Merry Christmas from the Nickells ~

He can climb!

Yesterday Clay found the stairs! And today he pulled up on a bench. So it looks like it won't be long before he walks :) Yikes! 

Doesn't he looked so pleased with himself? But 2 seconds later he face-planted onto the rug. Poor little guy! It's rough being a baby :)

6 months

Oops! Clay was six months about two weeks ago. I can still post his stats, right? Do y'all even care? Who knows. I'll just do for myself so I can look back and remember :)

Height: 27 inches (one inch longer than Claire as this age)
Weight: 16 lbs 4 oz (almost 2 1/2 lbs heavier than Claire was)
Sleeps: 3 naps a day lasting about 1 1/2 - 2 hours each and sleeps from 8:30 pm - 8ish am at night.
Eats: 4 bottles and lots of baby food!
Personality: Soooo much energy, just like his sista! He can crawl and sit up on his own already! OMG! I can no longer put him on the play mat and leave him because he pops right up and goes wandering. This house officially needs to be baby-proofed again. He's still a smiley little guy and just lights up when he sees a face he loves :) He looks so much older with his big-boy haircut and he's cutting teeth, so my baby is quickly becoming a little man :( They grow up way too fast!

We're moving!

Whew! I can finally share with you all that Cole has accepted the position of Youth Pastor at The Vine Community Church in Atlanta. We've been talking to them since August, but it wasn't official until last week and we just told our home church, NCPC, yesterday. It's been hard keeping it quiet because we're pretty excited about it! We'd been planning to leaving Aiken for awhile now to start seminary, but Cole has been loving youth ministry so much that we've kept delaying it. Now, with this opportunity, Cole will be able to stay in youth ministry while going to Reformed Theological Seminary in Atlanta part-time. His start date at the church is January 28th.

The biggest thing we need prayer for right now is that we'll sell our house! Yes, we still own 281 Southbank Drive and our renter is out and it's once again on the market. We really, really want to sell it so that we can buy again in Atlanta. We'll probably just rent until that happens.

Anyway, that's our big news for now! We're so excited to start this new chapter, but sorry to leave behind so many good friends behind. We've been through so much in our 5 years here. We began married life together, started a family, lost a child, and so much more. It will be bittersweet to leave...

Thanksgiving

What am I thankful for?

I am thankful for the warm, heavy spot on my chest where my son's head lay last night as I rocked him to sleep. I am thankful for his peaceful, deep breathing as he lay so trustingly in my arms. I am thankful for the absolute joy I felt in that moment. I am thankful that God has turned my mourning into dancing.

After Matthew died, my arms literally ached with the longing to hold him. All I ever wanted was to bring him home and be able to rock him to sleep. The whole time he was in the hospital, that was my goal. To get him home. To have him all to myself. To watch him fall asleep in my arms and feel his peaceful breathing on my cheek. And when that never happened, I was crushed.

So today I am grateful that I've been blessed with another chance to have that moment with Clay. My heart overflows with thankfulness at God faithfulness over the past year and a half.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Family fun!

The day I gave my 5 month-old a haircut :(

Today I gave Clay a haircut.

I am still in shock.

He had such luscious, long hair! What was I thinking???

I just kept trimming and trimming and trimming...

Now he looks....... old. Like a real person. With a buzz cut.

*sigh*

(Before)

(After)

At least it will grow back - eventually. 

This little boy...

... is just precious! 

But as much as I love him and as much as he has helped heal my heart, he can't replace Matthew. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish he could know his big brother. (Doesn't that sound silly, calling Matthew a big brother? He was only 7 weeks old when he died... he was a big anything.) My heart hurts when I look at Clay and sometimes see Matthew in him. I so wish that I could see both my boys together! 

Claire started talking to me about Matthew randomly last week and I tried to explain to her where he was and why he wasn't with us anymore. Of course she can't understand, so watching her try to wrap her little brain around it was bittersweet for me. I love that she's curious about him, but I hate that she doesn't understand why she can't see him. I tried to explain that he was in the hospital and doctors tried to fix his heart, but he was too sick, so he went to be with Jesus in heaven. But now every time we pass our doctor's office she says, "That's the doctor mommy? That's where Matthew is sick and he sees Jesus?" 

So I guess that's stirred memories and made the last few days hard for me. I know that God is holding Matthew in his arms and I know that one day it will all be ok. I just miss him. I love and miss my little boy and I wish he could be part of our life here on earth.  

Trick or Treat!