Cheering my soul

Today has been a hard day. As Matthew's birth gets closer and closer, this sense of impending doom seems to grow in my mind. I find myself scared to look past his actual birth and into the weeks and months to follow. As I've written before, holding reality in one hand and hope in another is hard for me. I'm young, but I feel like I've already experienced a lot of death in my life already and while I've seen God's faithfulness time and time again, I feel like I've seen it more in the comfort of His presence after loss, rather than in the sparing of that loss. Does that make sense? It's like I fully expect God to call Matthew home to Him, while getting us through it with His love and grace. In fact, I've been crying all night because of this. I know God will be faithful to get us through the storm, but I'm so scared by the fact that I can't control it.

But, and this is a big BUT, I've been reading over these verses that some wonderful women from my old church have been sending me, and I'm finding great comfort for my soul. My favorite right now is Psalm 94: 18-19 -

" When I thought, “My foot slips,”your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. 

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."

God is being so faithful to hold us up right now and even in the midst of my fears, I find peace in giving up my fears to Him. He knows what will happen in two weeks and He is preparing us for it. I don't know why He's chosen to give us this trial, but I've seen Him give grace to others before me and I trust that He will lavish it on us when the time comes.