Due Date!

Right now it's 4:13 am and I am sitting here munching on cherios and blogging because I can't sleep. I woke up around 2 and after tossing and turning from side to side and listening to my husband snore and hearing my stomach growl and getting frustrated because I was having acid reflux, I finally gave up and got up. Now I feel much better, though I know I'll probably drag through tomorrow.

The good news is that at least I see the light at the end of the tunnel. A light that is fast approaching, I might add. At my OB appt yesterday I was scheduled for a c-section on April 28! I'm half excited and half apprehensive. Excited because that means only 3 more weeks of pregnancy and then I get to arrive at the hospital and poof! he'll be here! No exhausting laboring, no worries about something going wrong, and I can tell my family exactly when to arrive. Not bad for someone like me who loves to have a plan. On the other hand, having a second c-section almost completely knocks out my chances of ever having a normal birth experience, something I so badly want to do! And I know how difficult is it recovering from a cesarian. I have a horror of being cut on and this time I get to look forward to it for 3 weeks. Not fun at all!

Also, in case you were wondering, we've decided to stay at MCG for now. We've met all the surgeons and doctors that will be caring for us and we feel confident that this is the best place for now. Once Matthew's born and they have a better idea of how complex his situation is, they will help us evaluate again and see where the best possible place for care is.

So yeah, mixed feelings. But I know that God holds all of these details in his hand and I need to relax and trust that he is leading us. Every once in a while, when a doctor is explaining just how messed up Matthew's heart is, I'm tempted to throw up my hands and give in to despair. I think I'm more of a pessimist by nature and it's been hard for me to let myself hope. When I think of our little boy's future, I see a big blank and that scares me to death. Holding reality in one hand and hope in another is SUCH a difficult balance! As a Christian, I know that I serve a God of miracles who can fix this with one word, but as a worried and sinful mother, I just can't see how this story ends well.

All that to say, we would appreciate your prayers in the weeks to come! I am SO thankful for the body of Christ and your encouragement has really helped.