Whew! I can finally share with you all that Cole has accepted the position of Youth Pastor at The Vine Community Church in Atlanta. We've been talking to them since August, but it wasn't official until last week and we just told our home church, NCPC, yesterday. It's been hard keeping it quiet because we're pretty excited about it! We'd been planning to leaving Aiken for awhile now to start seminary, but Cole has been loving youth ministry so much that we've kept delaying it. Now, with this opportunity, Cole will be able to stay in youth ministry while going to Reformed Theological Seminary in Atlanta part-time. His start date at the church is January 28th.
The biggest thing we need prayer for right now is that we'll sell our house! Yes, we still own 281 Southbank Drive and our renter is out and it's once again on the market. We really, really want to sell it so that we can buy again in Atlanta. We'll probably just rent until that happens.
Anyway, that's our big news for now! We're so excited to start this new chapter, but sorry to leave behind so many good friends behind. We've been through so much in our 5 years here. We began married life together, started a family, lost a child, and so much more. It will be bittersweet to leave...
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Monday, December 3, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thanksgiving
What am I thankful for?
I am thankful for the warm, heavy spot on my chest where my son's head lay last night as I rocked him to sleep. I am thankful for his peaceful, deep breathing as he lay so trustingly in my arms. I am thankful for the absolute joy I felt in that moment. I am thankful that God has turned my mourning into dancing.
After Matthew died, my arms literally ached with the longing to hold him. All I ever wanted was to bring him home and be able to rock him to sleep. The whole time he was in the hospital, that was my goal. To get him home. To have him all to myself. To watch him fall asleep in my arms and feel his peaceful breathing on my cheek. And when that never happened, I was crushed.
So today I am grateful that I've been blessed with another chance to have that moment with Clay. My heart overflows with thankfulness at God faithfulness over the past year and a half.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am thankful for the warm, heavy spot on my chest where my son's head lay last night as I rocked him to sleep. I am thankful for his peaceful, deep breathing as he lay so trustingly in my arms. I am thankful for the absolute joy I felt in that moment. I am thankful that God has turned my mourning into dancing.
After Matthew died, my arms literally ached with the longing to hold him. All I ever wanted was to bring him home and be able to rock him to sleep. The whole time he was in the hospital, that was my goal. To get him home. To have him all to myself. To watch him fall asleep in my arms and feel his peaceful breathing on my cheek. And when that never happened, I was crushed.
So today I am grateful that I've been blessed with another chance to have that moment with Clay. My heart overflows with thankfulness at God faithfulness over the past year and a half.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
The day I gave my 5 month-old a haircut :(
Today I gave Clay a haircut.
I am still in shock.
He had such luscious, long hair! What was I thinking???
I just kept trimming and trimming and trimming...
Now he looks....... old. Like a real person. With a buzz cut.
*sigh*
(Before)
(After)
At least it will grow back - eventually.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
This little boy...
... is just precious!
But as much as I love him and as much as he has helped heal my heart, he can't replace Matthew. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish he could know his big brother. (Doesn't that sound silly, calling Matthew a big brother? He was only 7 weeks old when he died... he was a big anything.) My heart hurts when I look at Clay and sometimes see Matthew in him. I so wish that I could see both my boys together!
Claire started talking to me about Matthew randomly last week and I tried to explain to her where he was and why he wasn't with us anymore. Of course she can't understand, so watching her try to wrap her little brain around it was bittersweet for me. I love that she's curious about him, but I hate that she doesn't understand why she can't see him. I tried to explain that he was in the hospital and doctors tried to fix his heart, but he was too sick, so he went to be with Jesus in heaven. But now every time we pass our doctor's office she says, "That's the doctor mommy? That's where Matthew is sick and he sees Jesus?"
So I guess that's stirred memories and made the last few days hard for me. I know that God is holding Matthew in his arms and I know that one day it will all be ok. I just miss him. I love and miss my little boy and I wish he could be part of our life here on earth.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Look-a-likes
Back when Claire was born, I put up her baby picture next to Cole and my baby pictures. It was obvious that she looked more like Cole:
Now look at Clay compared to me:
Haha! Pretty obvious he inherited my crazy hair :)
Adventures in potty training!
I first tried potty training back in April, before Clay was born. I thought it would be a good idea to get Claire out of diapers before Clay got here. But after having 5 accidents within the first hour and then almost no successful pees in the potty during the next day and a half, I gave up! I was too pregnant and too tired to deal with a little girl who was obviously NOT ready.
Now here we are six months later giving it another try. Claire has showed much more interest in the potty these last few months and has expressed the desire to "pee pee in the potty like Mommy" many times. Plus, I'm not a fan of having two in diapers. Its expensive and I feel like all I do is change diapers!
Yesterday went beautifully until about 6 pm. She only had two accidents and was very in tune with her need to "go." (She even went number two, which I hear is hard for little ones to do.) I think the main motivator was getting an M&M every time she successfully went in the potty :)
Around dinner time she kinda lost it though. I think she was a little stressed out honestly! She just started crying about everything and getting herself so worked up that she choked. So I told her that she had done a great job and we put her diaper back on her for the night.
Today is going well too! Woo hoo! I'm not gonna lie... potty training is probably the thing I was dreading most about raising a little one, so I'm glad that it's not (quite) as bad as I thought :)
Now here we are six months later giving it another try. Claire has showed much more interest in the potty these last few months and has expressed the desire to "pee pee in the potty like Mommy" many times. Plus, I'm not a fan of having two in diapers. Its expensive and I feel like all I do is change diapers!
Yesterday went beautifully until about 6 pm. She only had two accidents and was very in tune with her need to "go." (She even went number two, which I hear is hard for little ones to do.) I think the main motivator was getting an M&M every time she successfully went in the potty :)
Around dinner time she kinda lost it though. I think she was a little stressed out honestly! She just started crying about everything and getting herself so worked up that she choked. So I told her that she had done a great job and we put her diaper back on her for the night.
Today is going well too! Woo hoo! I'm not gonna lie... potty training is probably the thing I was dreading most about raising a little one, so I'm glad that it's not (quite) as bad as I thought :)
Here she is in her big girl underwear! Go Claire!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Not fair
For the past few weeks I've been praying for a women I don't even know, but whom I feel close to because of one huge thing we have in common - she was pregnant with a baby with a major birth defect. I say 'was pregnant' because she had her baby girl this past week and she lived for a couple hours before passing into the arms of Jesus. Now this family is left with the ache of missing their little girl.
Every time I hear of a story like this, it brings the memories of Matthew flooding back and I'm left again thinking how unfair life can seem. I wish I could fully grasp why these tragedies happen. I believe with all my heart that God has a plan and that He walks with us through moments of unbearable pain and sadness, but I wish so much that we could be spared the pain. I wish we could experience the joy of heaven right now, instead of being stuck in this broken world.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
All about Claire
Lately I've been posting a lot about Clay and Matthew, but honestly, Claire is the one who keeps me on my toes these days! This little girl is a fireball of energy. I think she is 100% Cole's child, from her devilish little grin to the way she bounces around all day. She's changing so much right now that it's challenging to keep up with her, especially with a new baby.
From the day she was born she's always been a sweet girl and amazingly easy-going, but I have to admit that she might possibly, maybe, hopefully not, be entering "the terrible 2's!" My first clue was when she started getting out of her bed. You see, for the first two months of having her big girl bed, not once did she step even one toe out of that bed. Then suddenly she started getting out all the time! I'd find "evidence" after almost every nap time or night time... sometimes it was a toy that wasn't in her bed when I put her down, sometimes it was her shoes that mysteriously got themselves out of her closet and landed next to her bed, other times I'd walk in and the light would be on and she's be looking at me like, "What, mom?" Now it's just blatant and she makes no effort to hide it. Most of the time I hear her roaming around, so I go in and check on her. The minute she hears the door start to open she'll make a beeline for the bed and start crying, cause she knows she's going to get a spanking. I always sit her down and make her look me in the eyes and say, "Claire, I told you not to get out of bed. You disobeyed. What do you say?" Then she'll apologize and say she was wrong and I'll kiss her and tuck her back in bed. Ten minutes later, she's out again and we repeat the process.
And this process is repeated with everything else too. I tell her not to throw food off her plate. She throws it. I spank her. She apologizes. I forgive her. We resume eating. Next mealtime, I leave her alone for two seconds and when I come back, food is mysteriously on the floor again and she's closing her eyes and trying to hide her face from me. It's an endless cycle it seems. Not to mention the whining, the constant noise-making, the freak-outs when she doesn't get her way... so yes, Claire is growing up and asserting herself more and more, which means sometimes this 2 1/2 year-old is terrible.
But then she's also incredibly sweet. Along with the independence comes lots of mimicking as she tries to learn from me. She's constantly telling me, "Good job momma!!" whenever I do anything she thinks is praiseworthy (usually that's something like dressing Clay or washing dishes). She also like to say, "Oh, oopsie. I'm sorry momma" and then laugh at herself whenever she messes up or does something silly. I guess that's what I do when I makes mistakes??? :)
My favorite thing is having her do her makeup with me. I usually get ready in the morning while Clay naps and Claire likes to follow me into my bathroom and participate. She stands on the toilet next to me and brushes her hair and puts on my "bandaids" (hairbands... she can't differentiate the two because they both have 'band' in them) and often asks me to "make a ponytail in her hair." Then while I put my make-up on, she smears on all three kinds of my chapstick, curls her eyelashes (basically she just puts it over her eyes and says "I see you!") and rubs my powder brush all over her face (don't worry, I don't use that one). When I'm done I say, "We're all done!" and we both look in the mirror and she says, "Ooo we look so nice momma!" Then sometimes she marches into my closet and says, "What you should wear momma? Oh, how 'bout 'dis?" and she'll pull a dress off the hanger or a shirt off the shelf. She's always so complimentary of me. And I try to be positive about her and myself. I don't ever want her to think she's not pretty enough or skinny enough or tan enough because she's heard me complain about myself.
She also loves to sing! Sometimes she makes up songs, but mostly she sings from memory. Every night when we put the kids to bed, we sing to them. I used to think Claire wasn't even listening until one day I heard her singing "There Is A Redeemer" in the backseat of the car. The one that took me the longest to figure out was "In Christ Alone." She only sings "what heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease, my Comforter, my All in All" and then she repeats it. The only problem is, she's 2, so the words are just sounds to her and get jumbled together. I finally figured out what she was singing when I figured that "my tomforter"was "Comforter" and "awinaw" was "All in All." I love hearing her sing, even if it's the theme song from Dora the Explorer. Claire's little voice is just so sweet!
So there ya go! She's still a sunny little girl, just with a bit more stubbornness these days. I am so thankful for her, even when she wears me out. I realize my need for patience and love daily and am constantly humbled by my inadequacy. I'm also amazed by her love for me, even when I fail as a parent. At the end of every day, after all the spankings and crying fits and rebukes and apologies, she still wants me to hold her and sing to her. What a gift!
From the day she was born she's always been a sweet girl and amazingly easy-going, but I have to admit that she might possibly, maybe, hopefully not, be entering "the terrible 2's!" My first clue was when she started getting out of her bed. You see, for the first two months of having her big girl bed, not once did she step even one toe out of that bed. Then suddenly she started getting out all the time! I'd find "evidence" after almost every nap time or night time... sometimes it was a toy that wasn't in her bed when I put her down, sometimes it was her shoes that mysteriously got themselves out of her closet and landed next to her bed, other times I'd walk in and the light would be on and she's be looking at me like, "What, mom?" Now it's just blatant and she makes no effort to hide it. Most of the time I hear her roaming around, so I go in and check on her. The minute she hears the door start to open she'll make a beeline for the bed and start crying, cause she knows she's going to get a spanking. I always sit her down and make her look me in the eyes and say, "Claire, I told you not to get out of bed. You disobeyed. What do you say?" Then she'll apologize and say she was wrong and I'll kiss her and tuck her back in bed. Ten minutes later, she's out again and we repeat the process.
And this process is repeated with everything else too. I tell her not to throw food off her plate. She throws it. I spank her. She apologizes. I forgive her. We resume eating. Next mealtime, I leave her alone for two seconds and when I come back, food is mysteriously on the floor again and she's closing her eyes and trying to hide her face from me. It's an endless cycle it seems. Not to mention the whining, the constant noise-making, the freak-outs when she doesn't get her way... so yes, Claire is growing up and asserting herself more and more, which means sometimes this 2 1/2 year-old is terrible.
But then she's also incredibly sweet. Along with the independence comes lots of mimicking as she tries to learn from me. She's constantly telling me, "Good job momma!!" whenever I do anything she thinks is praiseworthy (usually that's something like dressing Clay or washing dishes). She also like to say, "Oh, oopsie. I'm sorry momma" and then laugh at herself whenever she messes up or does something silly. I guess that's what I do when I makes mistakes??? :)
My favorite thing is having her do her makeup with me. I usually get ready in the morning while Clay naps and Claire likes to follow me into my bathroom and participate. She stands on the toilet next to me and brushes her hair and puts on my "bandaids" (hairbands... she can't differentiate the two because they both have 'band' in them) and often asks me to "make a ponytail in her hair." Then while I put my make-up on, she smears on all three kinds of my chapstick, curls her eyelashes (basically she just puts it over her eyes and says "I see you!") and rubs my powder brush all over her face (don't worry, I don't use that one). When I'm done I say, "We're all done!" and we both look in the mirror and she says, "Ooo we look so nice momma!" Then sometimes she marches into my closet and says, "What you should wear momma? Oh, how 'bout 'dis?" and she'll pull a dress off the hanger or a shirt off the shelf. She's always so complimentary of me. And I try to be positive about her and myself. I don't ever want her to think she's not pretty enough or skinny enough or tan enough because she's heard me complain about myself.
She also loves to sing! Sometimes she makes up songs, but mostly she sings from memory. Every night when we put the kids to bed, we sing to them. I used to think Claire wasn't even listening until one day I heard her singing "There Is A Redeemer" in the backseat of the car. The one that took me the longest to figure out was "In Christ Alone." She only sings "what heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease, my Comforter, my All in All" and then she repeats it. The only problem is, she's 2, so the words are just sounds to her and get jumbled together. I finally figured out what she was singing when I figured that "my tomforter"was "Comforter" and "awinaw" was "All in All." I love hearing her sing, even if it's the theme song from Dora the Explorer. Claire's little voice is just so sweet!
So there ya go! She's still a sunny little girl, just with a bit more stubbornness these days. I am so thankful for her, even when she wears me out. I realize my need for patience and love daily and am constantly humbled by my inadequacy. I'm also amazed by her love for me, even when I fail as a parent. At the end of every day, after all the spankings and crying fits and rebukes and apologies, she still wants me to hold her and sing to her. What a gift!
Psalm 127:3
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is His reward."
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