For most of my life, Christmas has mostly meant parties, food, and gifts. Oh yeah, and Jesus. I have to include him because I'm a Christian.
But this year it's different. Last night I was really struggling with Matthew's death and just feeling so hopeless. And then I stopped and thought about this time of year. I thought about how much I forget about Christ during Christmas and how much more thankful I am this year that he came. If Christ had never come I would be the most depressed, suicidal, and angry person you ever met because I really would be hopeless in the face of Matthew's death. I think I would probably fall apart if I thought that I had kissed Matthew goodbye for forever on June 18th. But instead, even on my worst days, when I think I can't go another second without my little boy, I can remind myself that eternity is coming. I can remind myself that because of Jesus, I get to kiss my little boy again.
Jesus' coming means everything to me this year. It means I have hope. It means I have a future to look forward to. It means that joy is possible.
Joy to the world! The Lord is come!
I have a little boy I never got to see, hold, or bury. I was blessed to feel him move inside me - but even more blessed because I know that one day I will get to see him, hold him, kiss him, and spend eternity with him. All of this because of a little baby born in a manger that allows me to spend eternity with Him and my little boy. Jesus has truly been my lifeline through this loss, cancer, surgery, and pain filled days. Christmas reminds me of God's ultimate gift to me - His Son.
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks for focusing my eyes on our Peace and Joy this season... He did come to give us a future and a hope! A group at our church went through the Advent Conspiracy (www.adventconspiracy.org) about worshiping fully, spending less, and giving more - it has refocused my Christmas and has a great message. I will be praying for you this holiday season.
ReplyDeleteJulia,
ReplyDeleteYour posts always bring me to tears and to my knees in praise of our King. The wisdom and strength God has given you is a wonderful blessing!
In Him,
Carol A.
Thanks, Julia, for your beautiful testimony of what Jesus means to you.
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