CS Lewis Song

Tonight as I was making dinner, I was caught off guard by this song that came up on my iPod shuffle. Emotions that were lurking just beneath my calm front came spilling out from me and I found myself wanting to weep and praise God at the same time. The song captured the cry of my heart perfectly. The first verse says, "If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude, that I, I was not made for here," and then the chorus, "Speak to me in the light of the dawn, mercy comes with the morning. I will sigh, and with all creation groan, as I wait for hope to come for me."


That's how I feel right now. I have these longings for my son that nothing else can satisfy and I know that's because God created me to be a mother and also because He created me as an eternal being who's only on this earth temporarily. Before Matthew died, most of my thoughts were consumed with the here and now. Eternity didn't ever seem real or pressing. But now! Gosh, now that's all I think about! I imagine heaven and seeing Matthew there. I literally groan with the desire to be reunited with him. I find that things that used to get me all excited now seem pretty lame in comparison to the longing and excitement I have when I think of holding my little boy again.

I am so thankful that this song reminded me of the hope I have. There are so many days where I move about in a fog, wondering if life will ever hold promise again. It's good to remember that hope is coming for me.

I hope you'll take a minute and listen to this song - it's absolutely beautiful! (Please excuse the corny photo montage.)